SMST Hunting & Shooting Humor If you have some funny comics or stories you'd like to share please email them to us at SMST@SOMD.NET Bubba's Baptizing Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's yard clutching a rosary preparing to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.” If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there... is he still wrong? Praying For Deer The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe." Keep Quiet When Hunting Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. When he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really tried!! When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said - 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?', I couldn't keep quiet any more!" Wife's First Time Hunting Trip My sweet husband invited me to go hunting with him this year. I Couldn't believe it...the first time ever! I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me, and being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an opening day present. He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'. I'm so fortunate to be married to him. I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat. Universal Distress Signal A man goes hunting and gets lost in the woods. Remembering the universal distress signal of firing 3 shots, he fires 3 shots into the air and waits. After an hour he fires 3 more shots. Another hour goes by and still no one comes to help. Preparing for the next sequence he says to himself, "I hope somebody comes this time because these are my last three arrows" Smart Pills One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets, and the son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?" The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple." So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, "Ewww! Yuk! They taste like s---." The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter already." How To Drag A Deer Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the other hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added. A Tough Call A group of friends went deer hunting and split up into paires for the day. That night, one of the hunters, John, returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. The others asked "Where's Ted?" "Ted had a stroke or some thing and died. I left him a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Ted laying out there and carried the deer back?!!" "It was a tough call," nodded John, "but I figured no one is going to steal Ted. Proud Old Man A 102 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor says "how are you feeling?". "I've never felt better," he replies. "I've got a nineteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!" "Exactly", said the doctor. More Funny Stories Coming Soon !